A burning question for men

If there were only two other men left in the world and a low voice thundering from somewhere told you to sleep with either of them (otherwise you'll be raped by 1,387 walking balls of bad breath, body odor, and libag with moustaches), whom would you choose?

ID pictures: unflattering

So, who's it going to be, soldier?

EXHIBIT SM

Castration: a momentous and happy occasion

He sings, acts like he knows how to act, and as you can see, trims, uhm, bushes shirtless as well. I read somewhere that one of his hobbies is figuresissyskating. His greatest fear? "Getting my heart broken." WTF. If those aren't enough, there is a catch if you pick this guy: He'll bombard you with his atrocious rendition of "Only You"—like a CD single on repeat mode. A pirated CD single at that. Shirtless. Over and over. Imagine that. Only for you.

EXHIBIT Z

Disco balls: practical

He flexes his muscles, struts around in his underwear, and likes hanging out in places with disco balls. He also enjoys conversations with tumbleweeds scurrying within the horizon. Mr. No Pants once said, "I’d like to learn to act and to sing." I say, good luck. To all the unfortunate souls who'll witness him try his ass off and fail. He also said, "[No], I would not go for bold roles." Well there goes his defunct-before-it-even-started career.

So, what say you? And which do you prefer: T or B? (If you don't get the latter, just ask.)