Got balls?

Is this:

a) Silver-plated, fossilized arms of Mr. Fantastic after an accidental death that involved alcohol, a power saw, and an itchy ass.

b) A coffee stirrer for rich prudes to tickle them with the idea that, OMG, I'm actually using a hand to mix my espresso!

c) A nipple tickler.


Although the answer is none of the above, letter C comes pretty close. And no, sorry to disappoint you but this isn't a sex toy—except of course for pervs who get hard-ons from playing with extension cords. However, I think all you men out there will still love what blissful, eyelid-fluttering, ugly-silly-smile of contentment sensations this executive ball scratcher has to offer.


"When you get a twitch go straight for the itch! For the days when your own hands are just not precise enough, the gentleman's ball scratcher is in the shape of a delicate female hand making it ideal for those hard to reach places. The nine inch handle provides excellent extra length to help get around difficult obstacles (beer bellies, old pizza, empty beer cans etc) and can provide the intimate relief that so many crave," according to the product description. And knowing that it's shaped like a girl's hand instantly sets off a ding in my head that indeed, pervs who get hard-ons from playing with extension cords will absolutely luuurve this.


Okay, to be honest I really wouldn't know if this is like the next razor when it comes to men's products; because in the same way that men have been speculating since God-knows-when what it feels for a woman to orgasm, I've always wondered what it actually feels to: 1) have balls (the literal ones), and 2) to have super itchy balls.