Monday, November 20, 2006

How to be like David Caruso

I don't get why a lot of people make fun of David Caruso. I mean, come on, look at him. What's there to ridicule about him? What's so funny about being as expressive as Steven Seagal? Anyway, because I have nothing but utmost respect for this scrawny redhead, here are tips for fellow David Caruso devotees who are just dying to be like him.

1. Quit a TV show during the height of its popularity to pursue the movie industry. Then star in a film that will foreshadow your showbiz career.

2. Try to look like Archie Andrews in dire need of Botox.

3. Make sure your character's skin remains as dark as bond paper even when your role lives in an area that's every inch a tanning bed.

4. Make the profoundest lines sound like clichés.

5. Utter clichés like you're Gandhi.

6. Impersonate a very malnourished Conan O'Brien.

7. If you're not fiddling with your sunglasses, make sure your hands are always on your hips (with a faraway look on your face, with the thought of a handful of lint on your mind).

8. Exert conscious effort to make your smile and your constipated expression look exactly the same.

9. Have a collection of Armando Caruso hankies even if it has no connection whatsoever to wanting to be like David Caruso.

10. Have really creepy beady eyes. Squint intensely to make aliens fly back to wherever they came from.

If you have any other suggestions, please share them for the good of all mankind. Thank you.


dexiejane said...

i prefer his CSI over the Las Vegas one. hubby and i make fun of his cliche lines and when he puts his glasses on but we like his show better :).

ade said...



Miss Diss Anything said...

dexie: i used to groan and roll my eyes whenever i saw him on tv. but now i can't get enough of csi miami! (although i still groan whenever i hear one of his cliches hehe)

ade: good gawd

Corsarius said...

fellow csi miami fan here ;) i prefer it over csi las vegas, though maybe if i can catch more episodes of gary sinise and csi new york, las vegas might slide down to 3rd fiddle.

Anonymous said...

he is an asshole

Tess said...

This is brilliant :D #9 was totally random but I still love it! I bought Armando Caruso hankies a couple of weeks ago :)