Wednesday, January 24, 2007 sells weird/ugly shit

Miss Diss: Today we have a very special guest to help me rummage for dissable stuff on

Mr. D: And FYI, I've got nothing to do with this shit. The only reason you dragged me into this is to make sure someone at least reacts to your pseudo punchlines.

Miss Diss: Screw you. (whimpers softly)

Item No. 1

Miss Diss: You want a pair of short?

Mr. D: Kunin mo nga yung short mo dun sa samapayan.

Miss Diss: Short pants, short pants, short pants.

Mr. D: P130?! And I don't get the design. It looks like those squiggly DNA stuff on CSI.

Miss Diss: Well I can imagine Horatio Caine wearing that. You know, if you stare at it long enough, you'll see a 3D dinosaur pop out of it.

Mr. D: Uhm, not really.

Miss Diss: Okay!

Item No. 2

Mr. D: That's one ugly ass pair of P1,200 shoes. It looks like a dog mangled it.

Miss Diss: No. It looks like a mangled dog.

Mr. D: And check out the product description: "In very good pre-owned condition...very nice!"

Miss Diss: Okay, so if that's nice, then mouldy bread looks appetizing.

Mr. D: It should be called "chaka boots" instead.

Item No. 3

Miss Diss: Feliz Navidad!

Mr. D: Did you really have to?

Miss Diss: I just had to. Sorry. I can imagine a "Take A Bow" Christmas remix, too.

Mr. D: Do you even realize that half of your six or so readers were too young to even remember that matador video?

Miss Diss: And you're not one of them. Anyway! Santa looks drunk, what do you think?

Mr. D: Definitely. Or too much eggnog made him woozy.

Miss Diss: Is it my imagination or does he have this crazy perverted expression on his face?

Mr. D: Like, "Oooh children will sit on my lap! Mwahahahaha!"

Miss Diss: I can picture him saying that with his lengua out.

Item No. 4

Mr. D: So, correct me if I'm wrong, but this person's selling a freaking paper bag?

Miss Diss: Look like it. But it's...Precious Moments. Awww...

Mr. D: And how much is the shipping fee again?

Miss Diss: Sixty-fucking-pesos.

Item No. 5

Miss Diss: This piece of paper's so heeyuge...

Mr. D: can't move!

Item No. 6

Mr. D: Okay, so its product description says: "This gas mask provides you full protection from being attacked by some poisonous gases and smoke if a life threatening emergency happens in public places like hotel, shopping malls, the subway, office buildings, warehouses and the home."

Miss Diss: It's either this: You die of embarrassment wearing some ugly piece of aluminum foil on your head in a public place. Or by wearing that hideous thing, you scare the shit out of the poisonous gases and smoke.

Mr. D: The model looks like he's in hell.

Item No. 7

Miss Diss: Would you want to receive a gift like this?

Mr. D: No.

Miss Diss: Even if it contained real pills?

Mr. D: I think it's a subtle way of telling your friend to overdose on them because he or she doesn't have friends real enough to buy nicer gifts.

Miss Diss: Why's it a "wishing capsule," anyway?

Mr. D: Apparently, they "are very cute capsules that you can write your wishes for someone and give it to them or just put your own wishes on them."

Miss Diss: Okaaay.

Item No. 8

Miss Diss: Sold!

Item No. 9

Mr. D: Dude, this looks really freaky.

Miss Diss: It looks like German Moreno.

Mr. D: Walaaaang tulugaaan!

Miss Diss: Send in the clowns...

Mr. D: Can you imagine keeping this in your room?

Miss Diss: I'd hate to wake in the middle of the night with it beside me—humping my arm or something.

Mr. D: I fear its moving jaw at nighttime. For many different reasons.

Miss Diss: Hey, isn't German Moreno gay?

Item No. 10

Mr. D: I can barely even see the product. But does the chick come with the P999 package? Because if it does, it's a pretty good deal, don't you think?

Miss Diss: Beats me. Hey, look! She's got other pictures, too! "Finally! After 72,134,972 days approaching agents and Photoshopping my set cards, I'm now a product endorser!"

Mr. D: You're so mean, heartless, cruel, and all other words that pop out when you type Shift+F7 on the word "bad." You will burn in hell.

Miss Diss: I will not! I just state my observations.

Mr. D: And your observations are all evil. Picking on people, animals, and inanimate objects. Wait till I tell your six or so readers what you just bought on That pink Hello Kit...

Miss Diss: Fuck you, shut up!

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