"We're not gay"

And what scene sparked those rumors that Matthew "Salma Hayek Dumped Me" McConaughey and Lance "I Dumped Sheryl Crow When She Had Cancer And Oh, I Had Testicular Cancer Too" Armstrong were more than friends again?

Celebrity A-listers can't afford "air cool" sandos

Isn't it enough that they do everyfuckingthing together like high-pitched, giggly, and clingy girl best friends who have never had boyfriends since birth? But why, oh why, do they have to go jogging together shirtless? Shirtless! Is an extra .0098238mm of cloth enough to cause them to slow down by 1.32408 seconds? It's Fall in the US! It's not even supposed to be hot, damn it! Unless of course they've got the hots for each other. I'm sorry, but they just look so fucking gay in this photo. Not that there's anything wrong about being gay, okay!

But in a recent interview, they denied that they were anything more than pals. But when you read the article, you'd raise your eyebrows at lines like Lance's "Our friendship just kind of developed." Or worse, Matthew's "I have a great friend in him. I’d do anything he asked me to, even though he’d probably never ask me to, and he feels the same way." How sweet. How gay. Not that there's anything wrong about being one, okay!

I mean, heck, even if they deny that they're sweethearts, Lance and Matt (yeah, we're tight) can give each other mind-blowing blowjobs and have rough anal sex if they wanted to, right? (Not that there's anything wrong with that!)

Okay I can throw up now.