Not so amazing

The misleading class photo couldn't reveal who's the shortest in the group.

There must be something wrong with this season of The Amazing Race because it’s been five episodes and five less teams yet I still am not passionately rooting for anyone. Which means something because I’ve been following The Amazing Race since season one.

At the beginning of the race, host Phil Keoghan revealed to racers that there will be twists in this season. Maybe this is one way to break the monotony of having an Nth edition of a reality show. Yeah, like moving from one country after another and being groped by locals on a jam-packed train isn’t exciting enough. Or seeing couples wash their dirty laundry on worldwide TV is a bore. Or hearing these people say politically incorrect things about the country they’re in (“Omigosh they’re so poor! We’re so lucky to be Americans with George W. Bush shitting our brains to submission to agree to annihilate every other country there is in the world!”).

Anyway, these twists apparently have backfired on the Amazing Race producers. Twist No. 1: The surprise elimination during the first episode. It wasn’t even the end of the leg but this brilliant idea of getting rid of a team in the middle of an episode is just pure idiocy. The result? Bilal and Sa’eed, Muslim brothers who were touted as one of the most watchable teams of the season, were eliminated. And the episode wasn’t even over yet.

Another problem is this season’s casting. There’s not one team that you’re inclined to like—you know, the type you’d love to be neighbors with. In other words, a lot of Amazing Race 10 contestants are just downright irritating. One or two annoying racers is okay, but a lot is just too many. Supposedly the two beauty queens should fall under the "nice" bracket, but come on, how can anyone adore a team of fit, competitive, and intelligent blondes—unless you've got a repressed dick between your legs? (Although it's a good thing the cheerleaders were eliminated for their likeability due to their appeal to the male sex organ as well).

As for the female viewers, whom can they drool on in the show? Male models Tyler and James? Come on, like being a former druggie earns brownie points in the same way that nice abs do. Unless you’ve got fantasies of getting it on in rehab, of course. Of course. With these two guys, too, there’s a nagging voice asking you, “Uhm, are they a couple?” Because really, they look good—together.

The other men, on the other hand, are more irksome than the women. Like on the level of a wife being annoying because she’s such a loud nag. That kind of irksome. Not that the women aren’t loudmouths either (Hey, Mary, reprazent!). But the guys, particularly Peter, makes you want to shove a drooled-on pillow down his fucking throat. Even when he’s not saying anything, his blank looks will drive you off the wall. For real. As for his partner Sarah, so, uhm, she’s got only one leg. Uh, oh-kay. For what it’s worth, a friend of mine has only one testicle. But anyhow, I should feel sorry for her, but if both of us were kidnapped by Philippine policemen-cum-kidnappers dressed as plainclothes policemen and had a chance to escape, guess who’d make it? Or guess who’d be stuck halfway panting her fucking lungs out?

As for the other teams, well, they’re just too blah. You don’t hate them, but you don’t like them enough to love them either. Bo. Ring. You’d even barely notice them throughout the show and remember them only when they get to the pit stop—“Oh! Those two! Fourth place! Those two!”. Unless they do something really, really stupid worth clapping to during the episode. But hey, there still are seven teams left. And the season still has up to the second week of December to work its way into our hearts. But I’m betting that the only way the show can achieve that is if the remaining teams just let loose and be stupid.