I'm effin' prettier than Lindsay Lohan!

The starlet couldn't afford decent skin care after spending all her dough on rebonding.

For once in my life, I can say with conviction that I'm prettier than Lindsay Lohan. I'M PRETTIER THAN LINDSAY LOHAN! At least based on this photo (taken during an Xbox event last week). Sure, she still has hooters huge enough to land on her tummy once she gives birth, but damn, in this picture, she sure is ugly. Like thanks-to-Kevin-Federline Britney Spears ugly.

Four words: Say no to drugs! She looks like one of those actresses in paparazzi shots where they go to the grocery toting their babies without makeup—even when Lindsay's actually wearing makeup in this picture. And she's not on her way to the grocery. Oddly, with all the money she has, she must at least afford the facial wash, toner, and moisturizer that I use to make my skin look way better than hers. Oh, Lindsay, where has the cute little girl from The Parent Trap gone?

Where?!? Oh well, I'm sure she was back to her old, hot, jack-offable self by the next day—or at least once the hangover's gone kaput (or she's had too much boogers on her nose to sniff anything). But at least I can look back and say that once upon a time, on a very good day (for me and a very bad one for her), I was fucking prettier than Lindsay Lohan.