For your boss

When your boss peers at you from that chair that's obviously too big from him (because he enjoys the feeling of being in that damn oversized chair even if he looks like a balding dwarf in it; the same way that dirty old men in flashy sports cars assume that fast, colorful, and noisy machines would fool people into believing their schlongs are any bigger than a tube of Chapstick), don't you notice that he wears this expression that's a combination of skepticism, sheer loathing, and a painful look of holding back from passing gas? Well, chances are, 1) he indeed doesn't trust you; 2) he hates you to death; and 3) he's fucking keeping himself from farting in front of you.


If you're lucky, though, it's possible he doesn't abhor you (on the flipside, though, who knows if he has a crush on you?). It's just that he's so dying to break wind (that suspiciously smells like rotten eggs) but couldn't do it in front of his good ol' employee. If so, pity your boss and give him the best Christmas gift you could ever give him:




"You no longer have to be embarrassed by the untimely passing of intestinal gas among your friends or family. GasBGon has been designed and tested to absorb the odor and sound of flatulence. Malodorous gas is a naturally occurring event, obviously affecting some people more than others. Yet, clinical studies show that the average person produces one to three pints of gas and passes gas 14 times a day... Clean the air, not the room." Ahluvit!