Friday, December 08, 2006

Daniel Bedingfield versus James Blunt

It’s cheese versus cheese here in as mush master Daniel Bedingfield goes mano a mano with mopey meister James Blunt. Things are going to get ugly, real ugly here—tossing starry-eyed, puppy-love prose to each other, a brutal exchange of tear-jerking phrases that would make even Joe D’ Mango want to throw himself off a cliff, and an onslaught of strikes at Shift+F7 on the word “love.”

Miss Diss: Thank you for agreeing to this fund-raising face-off all for the benefit of the RAPE ME (RAise my PathEtic blog’s MEasly number of clicks) Foundation. So, what’s up guys? How’s life?

James: My life is brilliant.

Daniel: Why does my soul feel glad today?

Miss Diss: Uh, right. What do you think of each other?

James: My love is pure. I saw an angel, of that I’m sure.

Miss Diss: Er, that wasn’t my question.

Daniel: If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?

Miss Diss: Are you referring to me?

Daniel: If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?

James: She smiled at me on the subway. She was with another man.

Miss Diss: Are you guys like talking about the same chick? Your girlfriend Petra Nemcova, James?

James: I won't lose no sleep on that, 'cause I've got a plan.

Daniel: I'll never know what the future brings. But I know you're here with me now. We’ll make it through.

Miss Diss: What the? Hey, are you talking about each other? Holy fuck!

James: You're beautiful, it's true.

Daniel: And I hope you are the one I share my life with.

Miss Diss: Gross!

James: I saw your face in a crowded place, and I don't know what to do. 'Cause I'll never be with you.

Miss Diss: Don’t be so glum, there’s nothing KY Jelly or a stick of butter can’t remedy.

Daniel: I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand.

Miss Diss: ‘Cause you’re fucking gay, that’s why! Hey James, can’t you just go for Daniel’s hot sister, Natasha?

James: Yes, she caught my eye, as we walked on by.

Miss Diss: There you go! Then why do you keep on stealing glances at Daniel’s crotch?

James: She could see from my face that I was fucking high, and I don't think that I'll see her again,

Miss Diss: Uhm, okay. Ewww! Daniel! Were you just nibbling James’ ear?

Daniel: If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?

James: But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

Daniel: ‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right. And though I can’t be with you tonight, you know my heart is by your side.

James: But it's time to face the truth. I will never be with you.

Miss Diss: Hey, you can always go to Canada.

Fucking douchebags ruined my concept!


ade said...

Sheesh! I knew there was something fishy with those two!

JaN said...

This is funny. Do you mind if I forward this to some friends of mine with a link to your blog? I just want to share it with them. If not, it's quite ok. Thanks!

Miss Diss Anything said...

ade: and i bet they smell fishy, too!

jan: hey of course! share the looove!

benj said...

haha! I knew it!

steel said...

I heart James Blunt!

Miss Diss Anything said...

haha nice one, steel!