Friday, November 24, 2006

An email exchange with Mr. Brown

So I checked my Gmail's spam folder and found the usual penis enlargement tablet/pump/voodoo spell as well as a number of other useless shit. But this email caught my attention:

If you're too lazy to click on it for a larger view, here's what it says, copied and pasted as it is:

Dear Friend Sir/Madam
Iam Mr.JAMES BROWN the SON of late MR. BROWN FRANCIS,the renowned Zimbabwean,wine and catle farmer.I know it might surprise you how I got your contact.I got it courtesy of Yellow Business Pages.
During the war waged against farmers in Zimbabwe by the supporters and cohorts of President Robert Mugabe to claim all the white owned farms in our country,my late Father's farms were among those targeted by the ZANU-PFarmed group.In the cause of revolution in Zimbabwe,the ZANU farmed group attacked and invaded my Father's farms,burned and destroyed his farm and eventually killed him
.After my father's death last year,I managed to escape to South Africa because my life was threatened and Zimbabwe was no longer safe for me.I escaped safely into South Africa with my father's life- time fortune of US$25Million[Twenty Five Million United States Dollars]in cash and other important documents of property title and other valueables as he instructed before his death.The money and the valueables were concealed and secured in one Treasure Box and was transported through Diplomatic means.The Box is currently safely secured in the vaults of a private security firm in South Africa. Presently,Iam residing temporarily in South Africa pending the outcome of an appeal filed on my behalf by my attorney to the South African Ministry of Internal Affairs to grant me a political assylum.I am in a dilemma of how to move this money safely out of the security deposit company for investments.Moreover,due to the government's stringent monetary policies regulations and the sensitive and volatile political situation,it would be most dangerous to attempt investment here,as such an attempt will jeopardise my chances. In recognition of your personal Executive Power and the investment opportunities that abound in your country,I solicit for your assistance in moving this money out of South Africa.I will also like to use this money for investment in your country.You will guard all my future investments in your country and it will be operated in a partnership level.You will be getting 20% of the investment capital moved to your country as your share for your assistance,The balance will be plunged into investment projects. Upon receipt of your indication of interest to go into co-operation with me,we will open up discussions on the best ways to reclaim the consignment containing the cash and other valueables and ways to invest in your country. Waiting for your urgent reply. Yours faithfully, MR. JAMES BROWN

And because I'm such a compassionate person who was conceived and born to make it to heaven where I shall fiddle with my own harp and headbang to the most angelic of psalms, I couldn't find it in my warm fluffy heart not to respond to the poor man. Here's my actual reply (no Photoshop whatsoever! I shit you not):

Click on it, you lazy mongrels.

I'm currently waiting for Mr. Brown's response. And I promise to update you guys as soon as he agrees to share his wealth with me.


B.S. said...

I can't wait to see his response. Mr. Brown has offered me 20% too but I just dissed him.


JaN said...

Miss Diss Anything...don't forget to share, ok? :-) I got an email similar to what you got. Of course I just ignored it, hehhe

Anonymous said...

sana mag-reply siya :)
habang hinihintay natin reply nya, join muna kayo sa Pinoy Blogosphere Mailing list ;)


Anonymous said...

LOL. i received his email more than 3 times in 3 different email addresses.

meron ba talaga naloloko sa ganito?

Miss Diss said...

Betty and Jan: Whut?! You'll so be missing half of your life! Thanks for dropping by, guys!

Pinoy Blogosphere: I'm already part of the list, foo! But thanks for making me feel wanted anyway. I'm touched.

Keysi: Judging from his persistence, it's possible. And so the least I could do to help all those gullible blockheads all over the world is to dupe him, too. At least try to.

Anonymous said...

I do wonder what he'll reply!

Anonymous said...

hi there. yeah, scammers and spammers s*ck big time. though seriously, i doubt if you're going to get a reply. that email has been circulating for more than a year already (i think), and it may very well be automated.

anyway, kudos with the effort :)

Miss Diss said...

hey don't mock my effort! i was dead serious in writing my reply — just as sincere as he was when he said he'd gotten my contact "courtesy of Yellow Pages" and when he acknowledged my "personal Executive Power"

Anonymous said...

First time I received this kind of email, I replied with a message similar to yours. And sent 10 other messages with totally off-tangent content.

For my troubles, I received 200+ spam messages.

Spammers should all just drop ded.

Miss Diss said...

cc: ...and rot in hell

Anonymous said...

i also received those kind of scam emails
@keysi yup meron naloloko sa ganito
i read a article from readers digest about it that he spend some dollars on his own account with false checks and bonds given by the scammers