Thursday, April 12, 2007

Eric Fructuoso kisses and tells

Because a has-been like Eric Fructuoso isn't material meaty enough for a post, I cannot write anything about him without mentioning his former group, the Gwapings. And so I scoured the net for photos of the defunct pogi boy group...and failed miserably. Try it: Go to Google Images, type "Gwapings", and voila! Nothing! Well, except for a couple of loser photos and even some so horrific they could only be images of HELL.

Bugs Bunny was so horny he'd hump an Easter egg basket

(No, really. These pictures popped up on Google Images when I searched for the Gwapings) Anyway, so where was I? Ah, yes, Eric Fructuoso.

Apparently, like most dumbasses desperate to revive their non-existent showbiz careers, this sleaze-meister apparently was on DJ Mo Twister's "Forbidden Questions" segment. And being the douche that he is, he just had to kiss and tell—by revealing the names of the actresses he's slept with—as if his mommy would pinch his bird if he didn't. According to PEP:

One of the earlier questions asked sa "Forbidden Questions" was if he had slept with anyone famous, Eric answered more than his fingers. Nang ipina-enumerate na sa kanya, ang mga isinagot ni Eric ay si Ara, along with Abby Viduya (Priscilla Almeda na ngayon), Joyce Jimenez, at Aubrey Miles. Nagpatiuna pa nga si Eric na hindi raw dapat "slept with" kundi "making love" dahil may respeto siya sa mga babaeng nakasiping niya.

You know what's the most hilarious thing about this whole shit? The word "siping." Say it with me: siping. Si-ping. Siping! Siping! Siping!

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Halle Berry gets emo

Because having a rocking body and being rich is not enough reason to go on living, Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry divulged that she indeed considered committing suicide. In an article on, it says:

"Berry, 40, admits to Parade magazine that she tried to gas herself when her fiery union to Atlanta Braves baseball star David Justice collapsed, but pulled out at the last minute."

Say what? She tried to gas herself? She wanted to kill herself with gas? Can't imagine what that's like? Allow me to help you visualize what Ms. Halle would've done.

Step 1: Make friends with a taco-eating, burrito-wielding Mehikano. Make sure you're like BFFs and shit.

Step 2: BFFs go out and all, so, go out and all. Pretend to be fascinated with his culture so if he asks where you want to eat, tell him, "I want your people's food."

Step 3: Eat with much gusto, then ask for extra beans. Because you want to eat your burrito just like your friend's "people."

Bigote: sexy

Step 4: Strip down to your underwear. Do some exercises to jiggle the beans in your digestive system. Have a paper bag within reach. When you feel the air come out, position the paper bag on your ass.

Step 5: Then just gas yourself.

That's what Halle Berry could've done. But maybe she chickened out at the last minute because she couldn't find it in her heart to ruin her diet with a burrito. Or make friends with a Mexican.