Go nuts over Krispy Kreme donuts

"Donut buy!"

Okay, that was a lame title, don't you agree? Well fuck you if you do. Anyway, when I got to the office a while ago (late as usual), I saw boxes upon boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts—okay, doughnuts—saying "hi" and "eat me" to me. Turned out the Philippine franchise gave our department like over 20 boxes of sample doughnuts (prototypes, if you will) just because we're cute, suckers for freebies, hardworking (though always late for work), suckers for freebies, obnoxious, suckers for freebies, think we're better than everyone else, suckers for freebies, the best, and overall, we rock their world. And suckers for freebies.


I had to try really damn hard to feign disinterest towards those fattening rolls of sugar and carbs. But when someone offered me a piece, I of course didn't want to be rude and turn her down. However, because I didn't want to look like a pathetic hungry skinny hog, I had to try to sound intelligent by saying stuff like, "I didn't know they'll be open till November 30 in The Fort and December 1 in SM Megamall!" But because I was eating with such gusto, it sounded more like, "Mahmeemeemow nelmeemoomen chil momemer mirmy in mamort em mememer mon in m m memamall!" The first doughnut was gone by the second syllable of "memamall." Then she explained that we got samples because we're just cool like that.


The glazed doughnut wasn't bad at all. It was fucking fattening good. If there was any bread softer in the world, it would be a pandesal dipped in Blend 45 coffee—for like three days. Sorry Go Nuts Donuts, but it seems Momemer Mirmy will be the day of reckoning. And Hot Loops, well, it seems you really are the only thing in the doughnut universe that gives people headaches from all your sugar (and because of you, I didn't know MSG could be so sweet). But hey, don't expect too much—and go on saying that Krispy Kreme is soooo overrated thanks to smart asses like Miss Diss. It's just, well, nice, soft, and different.


And 30 fucking pesos per piece. I ended up eating P120 worth of flour, sugar, and carbs just because I knew they were worth P120.

Ohana my butt

I meant Ohana, the new resto in SM Megamall, not "family" as it means in the Hawaiian language. There's this new eating place beside Yellow Cab in Megamall second floor building A, Ohana Hawaiian BBQ, which boasts of, you guessed it, Hawaiian barbecue and what-have-you. What the hell's so Hawaiian about the place, anyway? The attendants wear Hawaiian shirts, yes, but they look more like floral shirts Mayor Lito Atienza would wear. They don't even have leis to look more authentic. Not all of the food they serve even have pineapples. Fakers!

My boyfriend and I only tried it out because it was like sparkling new and I was freaking hungry. Like cranky hungry. Once you enter the restaurant, you so know that the smell will cling onto you like a blood-parched leech. Good thing there are seats outside the resto, though. My boyfriend ordered the pork katsu thingy, and I, the very unoriginal pork barbecue. It was a semi self-service place so you go line up at the counter and wait for your food at your table. My boyfriend got his food after a few minutes. And because he's a nice guy (who wasn't as hungry as I was), he waited for my food to arrive before taking a bite of his fancy-named breaded porkchop.

A free bookmark slash

reminder to never again.

We were talking and talking so we didn't notice that I wasn't served my food yet, even after 30 minutes of waiting. I'm not exagerrating. 30 minutes. It's not as if we were in some fancy resto. Not even, say, Teriyaki Boy or Italiannis serve food that long. So my boyfriend went up to the counter to follow-up my order. Okay, so Ohana was probably only a few days old when we went there yesterday, so it's quite understandable that they'd screw up somehow. The thing is, however, they never even apologized for the delay. Not a "sorry" or even just a "pasensya na." Nothing. Nothing! Can you believe it? Not even a pretense of admission of wrongness? And to think they probably wouldn't have served my food if my boyfriend didn't kill them with sarcasm (they should be thankful, though, that he didn't do worse). We both knew why they were so unaccommodating; my boyfriend and I look younger than we really are and thus weren't given the respect we deserved as much as all other paying customers. Fakers. Fuckers. I knew I earned more than those other older-looking folks in the place.

The most unbelievable thing, however, is my food wasn't even warm when it was served! It would've had more heat if I had just left my plate out on the street in the afternoon. In fairness, the food wasn't bad. I don't know, maybe it would've been warm if they had served it, oh I don't know, like 25 minutes earlier. Those wannabe Hawaiians slash Friday's-Italianni's-Fish & Co. rejects should be grateful that because they served my food like ten million years later, I was too hungry to notice if it tasted good or bad. But then, anything barbecued is good, anyway.

I'm really patient with food servers; I've always been afraid of having disgruntled attendants spit on my food. If these Ohana people had only apologized for taking so long to serve my not-so-special-in-execution pork barbecue, I wouldn't have even written this. And I wouldn't have sworn not to eat there ever again.

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I don't care if the real Ohana folk (those that own the US franchise) check their website's referring pages and see this post (that's oozing with links to their site). They better give their Filipino partners a good lecture (or better yet, a good ass whipping) on customer service.

My second "first post"

Now to set the right tone for this blog, scrap my first post (the actual one) altogether off your minds and read this instead.

Anyway, I'm the type who easily gets carried away with TV ads, posters, and anything that has everything to do with companies wooing (more of duping, really) suckers into buying their products. Needless to say, if Jerry Maguire got Renee Zellweger's character at "hello," this poster right here did it for me. I'm a sucker, I know.

It wasn't even hunger that enticed me into shelling P100 (roughly US$2) for a Beef Supreme McRice Burger meal. It was sheer curiosity. And that damn poster. Admit it, the burgers do look delicious in this photo.

It's a good thing that I got the burger with fries, as I waited seven minutes (that's what they said, but I think it was longer) for my takeout dinner. Yes, the fries were gone by the time I got my McRice burger. Anyway, looks-wise, take a good, hard look at the photo above again.

Then look at the real thing.

The burger from hell looked hungrier than its master.

In all fairness, it tastes better than it looks. The rice is soft and the burger patty tender. I also enjoyed the barbecue sauce that complemented, the oiliness, er, tenderness of the whole thing. Its cardboard packaging also gets points for the simple fact that it's a considerate add-on. But then, it's probably one of the reasons it isn't exactly cheap, anyway.

All in all, it's quite good, considering I wasn't really hungry when I bought it. It's as good as that pseudo ribs thing that they used to serve (beef patties shaped into ribs). It's not exactly meant as a compliment, but hey, it means that it's not bad either. The funny (and almost irksome) thing about it, however, is that even with the nice packaging and all, you'll end up wanting to use a spoon and fork when you're two-thirds into your McRice burger. Because trust me; things are going to get quite messy.